"Even apart from spiritual concerns, it seems that life itself teaches us that homosexuality is just too different and too unhealthy to be okay."
As mentioned previously, one aspect of society's emotional reaction to homosexuality is that it is "different" and unnatural. For many people these are intense emotions. A small example of our reaction to those who are different is how we used to try to force left-handed people to write with their right hands because being left-handed was "wrong." We wanted all of us to be alike.
However, in many ways we gravitate toward noticing our differences and generating fear around them. If our society woke up one morning and found that all the differences that have traditionally caused bias and prejudice were gone, I believe that we would find new differences between us by noon, and begin to align ourselves into groups based on those new distinctions by nightfall.
For years it was said that homosexuality was unnatural because it is not found in nature. Current animal studies have indicated the opposite, that homosexuality is found in many species of animals, including our beloved penguins and dolphins.
Much of the profound discomfort with homosexuality vanishes when people actually get to know gay people and couples, and see that many of their emotions and feelings and fears are the same as their own. It is when the situation becomes familiar that it becomes more human. However, for some people, this is not enough. Fear continues. Then one must ask, "Why am I so afraid?"
"We all know what it means to be a man, and being gay isn't it. The same is true about a woman being a lesbian."
Another very major issue about our reaction to homosexuality is that it has to do with gender. Even thinking about gender is scary. Talk about fighting words!
What makes a man a man and a woman a woman is one of our most fundamental understandings of life. Feelings about gender run deep and cause strong reactions. Just ask the girl who likes to work on cars or the straight fellow who likes ballet. They'll tell you about the comments they receive because their interests don't conform to stereotypical male/female interests.
In fact, as recently as the early 2000's a web search on "should women wear pants" would turn up a host of web sites proclaiming how immoral it is for women to wear pants. And only in the mid-1990s did California pass a law guaranteeing the right of women to wear pants to work because of the amount of controversy surrounding it. Feelings about gender run deep.
It's a stunning fact that when it comes to concrete, physical gender—something measured by “hard science” —some 1.7 percent of humans are born with bodies that are not exclusively male or female. Often these differences are at a genetic or chromosomal level, and the physical body may or may not show it. This is a shocking statistic to many people, but it is true, and other surveys of research literature have made this increasingly obvious (e.g., Melanie Blackless et al, “How Sexually Dimorphic Are We?” American Journal of Human Biology 12 (2000): 151–166).
Why would we expect more of sexual orientation?
It's understandable that facing our feelings about gender is difficult. When we learn that there are exceptions to one of our basic beliefs about life it can feel disorienting, and we panic about what else in life might have exceptions. But if our beliefs about something have been wrong, then those beliefs may have also limited us or caused us harm, whether we immediately see it or not. As with other things that are difficult, the good news is that when we actually get through the hard part of changing our thinking things aren’t not as bad as we thought. In fact, it turns out to be fine, even if we learn that life is more complicated than we wished.
"Homosexuals lead unstable lives"
Many people think of the lives of homosexual people as emotionally unstable. Being gay does require a lot of adjustment for most folks, and it can be hard to establish a healthy self-esteem in the midst of being told that you're sick. And in today's society it can be difficult to find a stable relationship for both gays and straights alike. How many straight couples are together because of the children?
Nevertheless, many gay people do live stable lives and always have. Research has been very clear that, by and large, gay people who make it past their teen years (or if adults, their "coming out" process) lead lives every bit as stable as straight people. Many are strong individuals who make their way through life with a sense of grace no matter what their circumstances are. For others, it can be more difficult. Read here what John Gottman, one of America's foremost marriage researchers and therapists, has to say about gay/lesbian relationships.
Fortunately, many states have discovered that gay people are capable of adopting and caring for children. Unfortunately, some of these same states would prefer that these adoptive parents not be married. That's quite a change from the "old days" when when we thought all adoptive parents should be married!
